manifesta: (Black Widow's Walk)
manifesta ([personal profile] manifesta) wrote2009-09-07 02:22 am

BWW teaser #1

As promised for when I hit 10k, the teaser for Black Widow's Walk. I actually wasn't able to write yesterday because my eyes hurt so badly due to allergies (not being able to see tends to hinder the writing process), but I made up for it today with 2k+ words. May I present: completely raw and unedited goodness. Enjoy!


The moment her bow glided across the violin’s strings, she knew she had them.

Time slowed to a viscous pace. Every note, each deliberate and utterly raw, rang of evermore blues and the depleted pale-greens of coastal peat bogs. The Belladonna crooned in response, her patrons shifting, first into awed silence, and then into obeisance, their jaws slack.

Deahnna pulled the bow back and forth in liquid smooth motions, sometimes rapidly, sometimes drawing out the sound. The instrument's timbre soared above all other noise. An otherworldly melody filled the tavern, its richness testimony to years spent traversing the southern shorelines. Her last leave-taking had left scorch marks in her wake, and not for undue reason. The walls of this place both gathered her close and warned her away.

Dozens of eyes, eyes that had followed her from the moment she had entered the tavern to the final pause of silence as she mounted the stage, eyes already dulled from drink, began to glaze over. Every swift stroke felled yet more. They swayed to her tune, thrumming in tandem with her violin, her heartbeat. Once more the naissance of the Spinners and their ilk rang true.

Hers. They were hers.

She'd adjusted this particular web for tonight. Perfected it. Could they feel it? How she Spun it out, unraveling as it flew, to capture them where they stood?

It was so easy.

The spray of sea salt, the waves crashing against the pure, white-gold beaches. A small, temporary sanctuary on the edge of swampland. The reprieve had maintained that fine line her sanity tripped over so frequently. Now she recreated it with exquisite precision, wrapping her muses in a sound barrier so taut they heard nothing but her echo. The ocean roared, pulling them under, faster, tighter. A series of sharp crashes punched through the din as mugs shattered on the tavern floor, fallen from numb fingertips.

Increasing the pressure she placed on the strings, Deahnna let the descant peak, allowing it to spiral, up, up, up.

Now that I'm properly exhausted, time to sleep.

[identity profile] 2009-09-07 03:51 pm (UTC)(link)
I...I sort of love this. Right off the bat, Deahna's character is ensnaring; I felt like I was being drawn in by her tune, and the way she thought of her audience as 'hers' gave me chills--it really gave a feel for her slight instability. Not to mention that the description of her music was gorgeous. Can I ask how far in this scene is?

(Also, is Deahna slightly insane of just batshit crazy? Because I'm curious. :D)

[identity profile] 2009-09-08 10:40 pm (UTC)(link)
Lol. I think authors have a tendency to pick on their main characters. I like to think that Ambrose (my MC) is melodramatic and whiny. :p

[identity profile] 2009-09-08 06:11 am (UTC)(link)
That was FANTASTIC!!! Really beautiful and compelling--talk about a killer first line!! God, I love all the music and imagery....I especially enjoyed "A small, temporary sanctuary on the edge of swampland." Really, really great line! :-)

I'm soooo impressed!!! Please post another one soon!!! I'm aching for more!!!!

Hope your weekend was great!!!

(Anonymous) 2009-09-08 09:14 pm (UTC)(link)
Oooooooh your writing style is so PRETTY! I really really enjoyed reading this! I hope it's only the first of many teasers! I'm also glad I waited until I was on my real computer (not on my phone) to read and comment this, because there's a good chance my eyes would've popped and I would've squealed in the middle of class.

--Alexandra Shostak (dreamwidth refuses to let me post it as an OpenID for whatever reason.)

[identity profile] 2009-09-15 11:20 pm (UTC)(link)
Ah, I finally have the time to write a comment! I read this other day, and a few times more today. This is seriously gorgeous writing.

And you say you haven't even edited? jafsdghafg. I'm totally jealous. I love the intense mood you created, with the music and her audience and the setting. I sort of found it odd that it was situated in a tavern, at first, but I loved this line: [A series of sharp crashes punched through the din as mugs shattered on the tavern floor, fallen from numb fingertips.] It punctuates the intensity of the Spinners' song--whoever they are, I want to find out more--and their ability to wholly ensnare a person's attention.

[The reprieve had maintained that fine line her sanity tripped over so frequently.] I love this line so much; the use of a metaphor to describe of her sanity is awesome.

The more you write about this, the more I want to read it, and now that you've posted the teaser... ah. Do post another sometime. :)

[identity profile] 2009-09-16 02:30 am (UTC)(link)
Haha, I can imagine. And you're welcome! :)

Good to hear--I look forward to it.